What is a good divorce?

This week is Resolution’s Good Divorce Week. So, is there such a thing and what might it look like?

Divorce is recognised as one of the most stressful life events for good reason and there is no getting away from that. During my 13 years of working in family law, no one has ever said to me that going through a divorce has been a good or pleasant experience.  However, my experience has definitely taught me that there are good and very bad ways to go through the divorce process.

Here are some tips for what a “good” divorce might involve:-

Do’s:-

• Protect your children from conflict between you and their other parent.
• Give your children a chance to really be heard about what is concerning them.
• Use mediation to make decisions, such as what should happen to the house or how much time the children should spend with each of you. This will help maintain an amicable relationship, keep you in control of what happens and potentially save you tens of thousands of pounds.
• Take some time to consider things and calm down before reacting to different situations.
• Try to listen to your spouse and see things from their point of view. This will help you both to make the decisions that need to be made.
• Take care of yourself and start with the basics.
• Reach out for help in the early stages, whether from friends and family or professionals.
• Get legal advice from a Resolution family lawyer early on, so you know your options and what the divorce process will look like.

Don’ts

• Try not to judge yourself for finding things difficult; there is a reason why divorce is labelled as one of the most difficult life events.
• Try not to use the divorce process to get back at your spouse. The divorce process is not concerned with this, and this approach is likely to end up costing you emotionally and financially.
• Try not to get caught up in fighting the small things however unfair this may seem; this is unlikely to go anywhere and will probably cost you emotionally and financially. Try to focus on the bigger picture and the end result.
• Try not to take everything your spouse says negatively; try to consider things objectively, which may mean not responding straight away.
• Try not to focus on your spouse’s actions and behaviour; you have no control over this. Focus instead of what you can do, and the choices and options that are open to you.